 In my journey of growth and healing after a significant loss, I am relearning the importance of giving my heart a voice. I mean to say that it's easy to deny your pain, especially when you feel like you are nothing but an inconvenience to others. It’s not true, of course, but it isn't an uncommon feeling in the bereaved. If you are grieving or struggling with anxiety, PTSD, or trauma, you must share what you feel with someone you trust. Trauma digs up a lot of painful stuff in us. Stuff that we’d rather not acknowledge about ourselves. Things we could've should've, or would have done, had we had more time. We cannot afford to keep “shoulding” on ourselves. That is why I had to stop. When people are so overcome by grief and loss, some make pretty impulsive decisions that further complicate their bereavement journey. We are all vulnerable when caught up in the intense emotional sting of grief and loss. It is easy to hate yourself, avoid others, and just want to disappear altogether. There are many defense mechanisms triggered when dealing with traumatic events. Yesterday when I was scrolling through my FB memories, this post from last year came up. “What if everything we hated about others, is the very thing we denied the existence of within ourselves? How often do we project our own insecurities, hang-ups, and hatred upon others? All we need to do is look in the mirror, and begin to forgive the person we most hate. That is how you destroy the greatest enemy of the soul.” As I immerse myself in the work of exploring past trauma, triggered by recent grief and loss, the above-quoted words are taking on a new meaning for me.
For many years I was overly worried about what others thought of me. What I was doing was projecting my insecurities on them, and then obsessing over making sure they had a good opinion of me. Too often I've worried about what others thought of me, rather than focusing on what God thinks about me. God's opinion is the only one that counts. And that's a game changer. In the grief journey, I am now taking I am working on being vulnerable, Letting down my guard, and getting in touch with feelings I used to deny.
I am also reading several books, listening to podcasts, and meeting with professionals who specialize in treating complex grief. I am feeling the joy come back, and my zest for life is filling in the low points in my soul. I feel alive again! Have a wonderful day my beloved friends. Much Love, Jeremy E.
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 My friend Mike and I having coffee at The Goodness Coffee Shop. Connection & reflection are good for the soul. If you've followed my journey, or you're just that bored with your own life, then you'll know that my daughters and I have been through some major changes in the last 6 months.
For those that have prayed, I say thank you, to those that have talked, well, thank you too. I am now living in Minnesota full time after being in Oregon on a rather interesting 4-month adventure (I will leave those details private). It feels good to be home. They say that change imposed is change opposed, in most cases that is likely true, but not mine. I saw an opportunity to correct a major mistake, and take back my life. It reinforces my belief in God's providence. I am starting a new job on Monday, looking for a new home, and reconnecting with friends and family. I have to tell you that I feel better than I have in a long time. After Cally’s death, it was the most difficult season of my life. I had lost my best friend and had to deal with the grief, trauma, and tragic fallout of a bereaved and bewildered family. In my grief, I made regrettable choices, but those choices have been transformed into lessons learned. I think it's important to be a student with your own experiences so you can learn and grow from your mistakes. As I put the past behind me, and embrace the life in front of me, I am feeling optimistic, and hopeful about the healing work the Spirit is orchestrating in me. I am grateful for the many friends who have offered me a listening ear, and offered their sage advice. I love you and appreciate you. Today I know:
I just want to say thank you to everyone who is praying for me, and showing me grace while I grieve. I send my love. Much Love, Jeremy E.  Dad & Ellie Hi Friends,
Allow me to share a few thoughts on forgiveness. God's forgiveness is extravagant. I don't know how else to describe it. What Christ has done for us exceeds my capacity to understand it. His sacrifice has advanced my life further than any self-sacrifice ever could. When I've messed up, like royally screwed up, God already knows and has already unleashed his forgiveness upon me. it leaves me stunned. God's forgiveness in full force is fierce. Here are the facts:
Life is so good when God can take what the enemy meant for our destruction and make it conform to his purpose. Life gets better every day! Much Love, Jeremy E.  Trauma-Informed Faith: As I learn more about the impact of trauma on my life, I am also learning about how it has affected my faith.
I hope these thoughts inspire you. -JE |
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