In my journey of growth and healing after a significant loss, I am relearning the importance of giving my heart a voice. I mean to say that it's easy to deny your pain, especially when you feel like you are nothing but an inconvenience to others. It’s not true, of course, but it isn't an uncommon feeling in the bereaved.
If you are grieving or struggling with anxiety, PTSD, or trauma, you must share what you feel with someone you trust.
Trauma digs up a lot of painful stuff in us. Stuff that we’d rather not acknowledge about ourselves.
Things we could've should've, or would have done, had we had more time.
We cannot afford to keep “shoulding” on ourselves. That is why I had to stop.
When people are so overcome by grief and loss, some make pretty impulsive decisions that further complicate their bereavement journey. We are all vulnerable when caught up in the intense emotional sting of grief and loss.
It is easy to hate yourself, avoid others, and just want to disappear altogether. There are many defense mechanisms triggered when dealing with traumatic events.
Yesterday when I was scrolling through my FB memories, this post from last year came up.
“What if everything we hated about others, is the very thing we denied the existence of within ourselves? How often do we project our own insecurities, hang-ups, and hatred upon others? All we need to do is look in the mirror, and begin to forgive the person we most hate. That is how you destroy the greatest enemy of the soul.”
As I immerse myself in the work of exploring past trauma, triggered by recent grief and loss, the above-quoted words are taking on a new meaning for me.
For many years I was overly worried about what others thought of me. What I was doing was projecting my insecurities on them, and then obsessing over making sure they had a good opinion of me. Too often I've worried about what others thought of me, rather than focusing on what God thinks about me.
God's opinion is the only one that counts. And that's a game changer.
In the grief journey, I am now taking I am working on being vulnerable, Letting down my guard, and getting in touch with feelings I used to deny.
I am also reading several books, listening to podcasts, and meeting with professionals who specialize in treating complex grief.
I am feeling the joy come back, and my zest for life is filling in the low points in my soul. I feel alive again!
Have a wonderful day my beloved friends.