I started my day with this verse...
“This is how we fit into God’s picture: Christ is the measure of our portion, we are in him, invented and defined in him. God’s blueprint intention is on exhibition in us. Everything he accomplishes is inspired by the energy and intent of his affection.” Ephesians 1:11
Invented and defined in Him stands out to me. I was asking myself if God invented and designed my suffering to accomplish some noble spiritual feat in me. I don’t know. I don’t always feel very noble, nor do I feel very spiritual.
A part of me feels like my wife and I should be exempt from any further suffering. Enough is enough.
My feelings don’t dictate or direct my reality though. So I don’t place much trust in them.
Honestly, sometimes I am angry at God. Maybe He feels the same way about me? I trust His love for me more than anything though. I don’t stay stuck for long. I can’t afford to.
I constantly wonder why we suffer? What’s to gain? Why does my wife have to suffer the way she does? What’s the friggin point of it all?
I’ve heard the piety and holiness talk about suffering from other people. It’s causes weariness within me. I cannot stand a pretentious piety that acts better than it really is. I like honesty, because honestly, life is messy.
Understanding the “why” of a situation doesn’t really do much to help you figure out the “what’s next” part of God’s plan. No matter how exhausted I get by the ups and downs of living/loving someone with challenging health, God always shows me grace.
The scripture I’ve referenced above is one that recalibrate’s my thinking when I am walking through a crisis. God is accomplishing something in our lives through all of this. That is what I choose to believe.
I’m thinker, and a highly contemplative person. I can easily get lost in the matrix of my own thoughts. When I read a portion of God’s Word I am able narrow my focus and be less obsessed about what might go wrong. There is already so much that is going right.
That is all I have to say for now. Thank you for keeping my family in prayer.
Pastor Jeremy E.