Be Still & Know...
In the lonely hours, days, and weeks after my late wife’s passing, God gave me this verse of scripture in Psalm 46:10 quoted below. God spoke to me through it and in essence, was saying, “Be still my beloved son, your life isn't over now that Cally is with me in Heaven, I have called you to a new life, as a New Creation, so be still and know that I am God, your Father.”
The grace of God touched my life, which helped me to process my grief and loss in preparation to embrace the life God would be calling me to next.
I dont expect everyone to accept what I believe God was and is doing in my life, but I would like you to see my life through the lens of faith and to show me a little grace.
Be still and realize (know) that I am God. I am God above all the nations, and I am exalted throughout the whole earth. Here he stands! The Commander! The mighty Lord of Angel Armies is on our side! The God of Jacob fights for us! Pause in his presence” Psalms 46:10-11 TPT
If you’ve been following me or my family's journey, then you are well aware of the many triumphs and tragedies my family has been through. It can be difficult to understand and accept God’s plan for my/your life, so I pray that the following words will somewhat, explain what I am up to, where I’ve been, and what the future looks like for my family.
First, I want to apologize to anyone who has tried to reach out to me on Facebook or Messenger, I just haven’t been able to respond to everyone that has reached out. I truly appreciate your support and prayers. I needed time away to pause and ponder what God had planned for me now that I no longer had Cally to care for. I needed time to pray, to ponder, and to partner with God in what he was leading me to do. Some may feel I moved to fast, but I’d they took time to understand my journey, they’d understand God’s timing. It’s not my responsibility to make people understand my life, or the unfolding of God’s will. So I won’t explain my life beyond what I feel called to reveal.
Grief & Loss
Grieving the death of Cally has been the hardest, most traumatic experience of my life. Right or wrong, much of that journey has been well documented on FB.
Coping has been hard. It's been hard on the girls. I haven't been able to talk about very easily. Seeing anyone that reminded me of her or sounded like her ripped my heart out. I miss her everyday.
I've been extremely avoidant, to the detriment of loved ones and family. I know I isolated myself from my loved ones, probably to selfishly protect myself from the intensity of the pain I was feeling. I am sorry for any pain my absence has cause any family or loved ones. I know some people have told me that my actions have hurt them, but I believe that I am just as worthy of forgiveness and understanding as anyone facing such a monumental loss. We need to stick together and beleaguered eve of the n one another, rather than judging one another.
When Cally passed I was devastated beyond measure. My heart was broken. It was a long hard fight throughout our marriage to give her the best life possible, even moving from me Minnesota to Arizona because that is what she wanted to do and what was recommended to us. Winters we're very hard on her physical and mental health. I'd like to be to believe we succeeded in giving Cally a better life together as a family.
My daughters Maddie and Ellie, and I still feel the sting of her passing, but rejoice knowing she is in Heaven hugging our little boy Ezekiel (whom we miscarried some years before Cal’s passing).
Loved ones even reported having a major vision of Cally holding our baby Ezekiel in Heaven. What a precious gift that was from God.
I wish I could better explain my life, my thinking, and my actions in a way that would make others understand my choices , but I don't know if that even be possible or necessary at this point.
A New Begining
In the season since after Cally’s passing, life has moved at an unexpected pace.
•I am now living in Oregon.
•I have a new career.
•I have a new home.
•I got remarried, yep, you read that right.
I’d like to introduce you to her. Her name is Jennifer. She is an amazing Mom, a Christian, and a therapist. She is currently working on her doctorate in general psychology. We both feel very blessed that God has called us to be married. Please show her all the love you've shown my late wife Cally and I over the years.
Adapting to change is not easy, but when you have faith that God is directing your steps, the path becomes clear, and the road ahead emerges. I am humbled by God’s grace and thankful for the outpouring of His love.
I'm not sure how much I will be on FB anymore, so I appreciate your love and support, and welcome you to follow me on my FB page at the following URL: https://www.facebook.com/ADustyDisciple/ or you can also keep up with my life and ministry at www.AuthorJeremyEvans.us. I will not be answering DM’s messages on Messenger anymore either. It's too much to keep up with. While I appreciate everyone who has prayed for me and offered their support, I just can not keep up with the communication. You can reach me through my website.
Life is short, please celebrate and enjoy whoever or whatever God brings into your life. I've learned to take a few risks. Life is filled with beauty in all it's raw intensity. I've experienced high triumph, and tragic lows. Now I'm learning to embrace it all without apologizing for it.
Jenn and I send our love.
By His Grace,
Pastor Jeremy Evans
*Please forgive my brevity, I am blogging from my iPhone.